To See No Evil...

It had always been a selfish wish.

Stupidity they’d call it. She was a little coward, her feet had built-in instincts that made her run away at even the slightest provocation. As much as she hated it, and as much as she knew better, she couldn’t stop. She didn’t want to.

If there was anything to be grateful for, it would be that she was too scared to kill herself. Even she had the right mind to know the consequences of such a foolish action. What made up her little determination, she put in the truth that choosing to live such a hellish life took more courage than to end it with a simple swipe of a blade. The dead don’t have regrets after all.

But nevertheless, the thought of disappearing was often a tempting idea. It was always there, insidiously spreading until it poisoned her mind and left her writhing in agony in her sleep. It was an inborn desire, something spawned by scenes that were blocked out long ago. The feeling still remained however, tucked securely in the shadows of her heart and it would always come and go as it pleased. When it did appear, she always knew what to do.

It started with her eyes as her mouth was already shut silent. Now if her eyelids pressed any further, she had a feeling they would break off. It started with the feet, as they would slowly disappear, toe-by-toe, but the ankles would always be the hardest. It took extra effort, but she eventually willed them away along with the rest of her legs and her chest, leaving her shoulders and her arms attached to nothing but her head and the frigid air. Her fingers went next, just like her toes, one by one from pinky to thumb and the emptiness eventually spread up to her neck, taking her head and face along with it. But her scrunched up eyes were left…They were always left…

So when the lapses came, she couldn’t help but feel both frightened and pleased at the same time. She found them coming more and more until she felt that maybe she truly might disappear, along with the eyes that saw too much…It was such a soothing thought…

Ultimately, when she first saw him, she was disappointed. Not to mention frightened out of her wits from waking up with a boy sleeping next to her. But even then, she couldn’t help but feel comfortable around him, for the first time in forever it seemed…His smile was genuine, betraying neither joy nor sorrow with its appearance, as she felt that both opposites melded into one in his face. Looking at him smile made her heart flutter in delight and make it sink into her stomach with grief; painful pleasure, is what someone else would call it. It made her curious, so much in fact, that the idea of disappearing was overtaken by her impulse to get closer to him, to see and speak to this stranger with such a bittersweet smile.

Suddenly…her eyes were more open than before…

Merri Kurisumasu~

 OOC:

Just here to say "Merry Christmas"! ^_^ Have fun and be safe, everyone!

::Kawaikunai! So NOT Cute! ::

And so it was. It didn’t matter why or how it happened anymore, but the fact was that it, indeed, happened. She wouldn’t call it fate though...As quote from a great manga she read – as absolutely unorthodox the context came from, but then again, when was she orthodox? - : “Fate takes charge over the fact that we are born and that we die; destiny is up to us and a bit of heavenly intervention.”  Well whatever it is, destiny, the wind, a push from an angel, dumb luck, or a one-out-of-a-million chance, it kicked into gear, sending the two wary travelers on a distant journey of life, fate, love (or intense dislike as the girl would say), and….

“…I am not paying for you too…”

…expected-to-be-repetitive arguments over who would pay for inn-fare.

Yes, yes, romantic. I know.

It just further proved how spontaneous everything was, considering that neither of them had a place to stay or a home to go to. They didn’t know anything about each other, yet like something pulled out of a writer’s head, they were now walking side-by-side to who-knows-where. Fairy tale’s farce it was…Mine had to admit that the situation was much less appealing than what was read in a book. Since this evening when she met the male, everything was impromptu, made up as she went along. More so than usual. And the unrehearsed tendencies that she was used to became unprepared and unintentional…---Uggh…oxymoron-ical paradox…

The male only kept on smiling, his glasses sparkling in carefully, thought-out innocence as he chuckled – a mocking sound that drove Mine closer to the brink of insanity…and murderous intentions. “But I just told you I don’t have any money…Why else do you think I wander around, hm?”

“--Because you have no life and find a sick hobby in taunting passer-bys with a cute face and easily conning them out for room and board,” she stated point-blank, as if she had expected such a question from him and practiced it in her mind. Lavender eyes curved in annoyance however, as the boy only blinked in response. No snappy comment. Nothing. And somehow, always, and it happened only with him, she gave in, heaving a sigh and going up to the counter to see what she could do.

“You think I’m cute…?” he questioned with a too-calm-to-be-innocent smile as she came back (key-less but with the invitation to sleep in a back room on a couple of futons; pity from a stranger that she decided to accept for once, be it begrudgingly), and effectively caused a vein to pop on the back of her head from the query.

“…Yes…if…you would call a four-eyed pain in the butt, ‘cute’…” she replied plainly, with a bit of a stutter as she began. Of course, regret came after as the boy only laughed, interpreting her hesitation in, what she feared, the wrong way. Jokingly or not.

“But…that doesn’t change the fact that you think I’m cute, either way…~”
“…I really don’t like you.”

“But you still think I’m cute~”

And it continued like that as they walked across the inn, causing people, occupants and inn-keepers alike, to turn and stare at the odd couple that bickered to no end. Just when Mine thought the table was back in its original position, she had to go and bump into it, turning it again. Izumo didn’t object. In fact, he seemed to find it fun as he continued to tug at his companion’s attitude until the strings that held it together nearly snapped in two. All on the first day too. He was talented, that’s for sure…

“Okay, okay…I’m sorry then, Butterfly,” he replied, nickname in tow, as his hazel-orbs glinted in amusement as Mine finally resorted to pouting and ignoring him; a new habit she found herself getting hooked to the more time she was around him. And the fact that she’d known him for only a few hours made it seem childish, and she hastily ignored it.

“So…where exactly are we heading anyway…?” the question came out as skillfully as she planned it, changing the topic successfully as she walked into the room, plopping onto a cushioned, separated mattress with a small bounce. “Or are we just going to wander like you did and follow the wind again…? Because honestly, I thought that was for birds…Humans walk…or stumble….---Then again, I don’t even know if you’re human, either…” She stopped in the midst of her rambling, looking over to Izumo as she was relieved to see that passive look on his face, minus the mocking smile.

“Are you always this cynical…? Or are you just good at acting…?”

………....Maybe…

……..

“Haha…You’re cute when you realize you might be wrong…~”

“…//// Shut UP!!”

 

Lady Luck ((::...Selective Commenting Time...~::))

"Bah! That's the fifth game in a row you've won! You said you were new at this game, ya little liar...!" the guy muttered, but his tone was still joking as he grinned at the lavender eyed girl in the corner. Mine only shrugged, tossing her winning cards into the pile in the middle to be shuffled again. In a mere few seconds, the cards were dealt and a new game started.

"...Kuso ne...no match..." Mine slightly muttered as she held the plastic-textured cards, eyes skewing in irritation as she looked over her 'bad hand'. Yes, she was playing poker. Without betting money mind you. Neither she or Chou had ever played it, so she was curious. That, and she had to keep her mind off of other things. Namely the fact that Chou hasn't forced her way out into consciousness since that incident from a few days ago...

"Aww too bad...But let's see it..." another figure stated smugly, amused by the change in luck. Unfortunately, the people were irked and embarassed by the fact that the young girl had beaten them so easily. Whether she was cheating or not was still up for debate.

"Sou da ne...But they're all red...---ooh...And hearts...Sweet, they go in order too!" the girl chirped as she flipped her hand over so everyone could see, her grin apparent on her face as she was happy though she had dealt a 'horrible' set of cards. The table suddenly darkened, the light growing strangely dimmer compared to everyone's pale appearances.

"...That's....called...a royal...flush......of hearts..." the male on the other side of the table croaked, causing Mine to blink and stare...consecutively...

"...That's...good...right?" A chorus of groans erupted as paper and coins were handed out. Though the female didn't bet, the others seemed to think it to be fun to bet whether she'd win or not...By now, two of the five people at the table were nearly cleaned out.

"Uggh...dammit all..." a figure groaned as he leaned back in his wooden chair, his friend next to him broke out in a chuckle as he did so.

"It's karma...I tell you..."

"Hell it is...That's luck...Sheer beginner's luck...or lady luck if you wanna get all figurative..." the male muttered in reply.

Mine slightly shifted, her seat suddenly felt stiffer than before as she tried to get into a more comfortable position. Her mouth, as always, moved on its own will. "I doubt it's either...Someone's just choosing to play a game with me up there...for my entertainment..." she motioned to the ceiling; it was the closest she could get to pointing at the sky anyway..."My karma's horrible after everything I've done...And if I were lucky, then I wouldn't be wandering around the streets, ne?" she grinned, as if her claims were things to laugh about. Rounds of coughs and bouts of silence somehow echoed around the table, only rousing Mine to crack a joke...And that made the table well and tense-free again...

Lady luck's probably a myth...Karma is a big maybe...But people seem to like to believe in those things. Far be it for anyone to say whether they are myths, truths, lies, or things living beings made to make life seem better...All that I know, is that I believe I have neither... 

"Hah! Full house!"

"...I have four aces...does that beat a house...?"

"...Uggh..."

But in this world...belief is critical...

"I really don't believe this!"

...in order to survive...

((Nee... ._. I know that I'll be ratted out for this, but if you want my pictures, ask me first okey? I don't mind at all that my pictures are taken, but I'd rather be given fair warning first because I edit them and make them all pretty on photoshop myself...@_@ Therefore, I know which ones are from me and which ones are from the gallery I got them from. They're not mine of course, but I'd rather be warned before I see edited versions of pictures all over the internet. o_o;;
So if you'd be kind enough to ask me, I'll link you to the real pictures. ^-^;; And then you can use them yourself. If you want any help in photoshopping, I'd love to help too~ Thank you so much! And I'm sorry again for all this... ._.;; ))

.Mistake. (::Offline~ The Awesomeness Has Left the Building...<< Unquote...::)

I think my gut’s going to burst if I laugh anymore than this…

It’s funny. You just have no idea how hilarious it is. If you were to put yourself in my shoes, you’d see it perfectly. ---Oh…? You have already, have you? And you don’t find it amusing whatsoever? Well, in that case, you certainly have a dry sense of humor, don’t you?

Heh…As if I’m one to talk…

But look at this picture…I must look so irritably pathetic right now. Just look at me; huddled over against the edge of the sidewalk and head propped against my knees. And it’s raining. As if karma just wanted to piss me off further, I’m now soaked to the bone…If Chou gets a cold, I swear that blood shall be spilt. I don’t care whose and I pity whoever it turns out to be.

But then again, I’m the one who seems to be labeled and scrawled with the words ‘Pity Me!’ all over, ne? All I need now is a cigarette and black clothes. Then I bet I’d just scream ‘Angst’ or ‘Emo’ completely. Oh Kami-sama…As if I wasn’t wretched-looking enough.

How was I supposed to know? Though it was in front of my eyes the whole time, how was I supposed to know…? Am I blind? Maybe that’s why; it certainly explains it. Or maybe I was just ignorant? Maybe both.

I mean you’d have to be both to keep reassuring yourself that you had to be loved by somebody out there.

It doesn’t matter who, but there’s always the belief that there is that someone out there; it’s human nature. Someone who actually cares that you need a roof over your head. Someone who smiles and comforts you when injured or something unexplainable happens. Someone who assures you that you are quite level-headed and not the opposite.

And someone who friggin’ cares that you’re out in the friggin’ rain with no friggin’ umbrella.

Well apparently that ‘someone’ of mine is at home with their head smashed against the wall.

Chou-Chou’s dear ‘auntie’, the one who fed her, gave her a home, and took her in when her parents ‘passed away in an accident’, wasn’t as ‘dear’ as she let out to be. And to think this was my fault. That’s right. How acridly ironic that me, Chou’s ‘protector’ of sorts, was the one to give her such harm? To be the reason that she’s ‘mentally unstable’ as others would call it? Oh how lovely…I’m a mental illness, now? So I’m nothing more than that…Okay...then you know what?

You’re no better.

That’s right. You ‘sane’ ones were the ones that caused everything to collapse. The bullying, the ignorance…It’s just all fine and dandy as long as you’re not the ones being targeted. Apparently auntie did the same. That smile was just a stupid ploy; what’s worse is that Chou and I fell for it. Hard. A mask that spoke of hollow words and shallow love until, under the pressure, it broke and everything was written so clearly on the ghastly face beneath. Pleasantly metaphorical isn’t it? No wonder it’s so hard for others to give people the ‘benefit of the doubt’. Is it the mask? Will it help if I rip every insignificant one off of every one of you?

If that’s the case, I’d rather be a psychological condition than one of you creatures…

I hit her. As Chou was being railed and blamed for everything she hadn’t done, I appeared and lashed out at her caretaker. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do. Auntie spoke about how it was all Chou’s fault for her husband leaving her. How I, in my sporadic appearances, irritated her to no end. She couldn’t explain me, how soft-spoken Chou could turn into sharp-tongued Mine at a single nuance. It was my fault for not keeping Chou’s characterization in check while I was out. So this was probably my fault too. All of it. How I left Chou’s keeper unconscious back home with nothing more than a phone-call for help from me, how Chou was to the brink of tears over what was ‘wrong’ with her, and for breaking under the pressure and not being ready to see the face beneath the facade of euphemisms…

“Breaking under the pressure”…That’s right, I have a mask too…And yet I’m ticked off that all of you wear something similar. I say that I give people the benefit of the doubt, to believe in what you say and that I try to look under the appearance to what exactly is underneath. And then take off that stupid mask for you whether you want me to or not. Yet here I am, clutching desperately at my own.

If I take off that mask for you, could you please take off mine too?